18th August 2020

On the Street.

THe Calm before the Stormzy.
2 BAD-BINGS went into the hood.
The weather was fine to practice from the line.
Their lay-ups were dyer, their balls couldn’t get higher,
from under the net or from the side, they just couldn’t hide, their inability for pride.
No hoop in hell, the ball just didn’t gel, from the free throw, to the 3 point line,
They thought no one would know….until it was time to go,
But Stormzy had spied and documented this time in a rhyme.

Lisa & Louise Loozers

11th March 2020

NEWS FLASH! Welcome Coach Melita to the BADABINGS!
At 7 we started passing and weaving, followed by a warm up game of 3 virus teams, At 7.20 the 3 teams mutated into 2. The Blue Bird flu, Louise, Nancy, Sally, AK, Tulay, Shirley. Versus the No-Bibs Swine Flu, Lisa, Sarita, Laurie, Gill, Dania, Andreea, Feddi. Lisa won the Jump and the swines scored! Its a Pandemic! The green jerseys started a formation. Help we were in a Panacotta! The greens were growing in numbers, self isolating subs were off 2 at a time, OMG Panchetta…the swines were winning! Dropping balls like pancakes into a basket. The room was hot, Fedi was in a fever, Dania defended the Pandora’s box! While blue Pans-people danced around the basket. AK used her Panavison to see a way through. It was a pantomime of errors. A Phudemic! A couple of fouls and travel restrictions in favour of the blues and a Panama hat trick from AK the final scores were 16-18 to the Greens.
At 8pm the Panorama was over! Thank you Coach Melita for a great game. See you all next Wednesday!  BADABING!

5th March 2020

7pm drills, then some much needed defence practice.

Coach Jo was a woman on a mission, we needed to listen and focus.

Pink team;
Dania, AK, Fi, Nancy, Gilly, Tulay, Charlene verses the
Black team: Fedi, Sarita, Sally, Lisa, Andrea, Laurie, Shirley.

There was a rollling subbing of two off from each team, this did cause some confusion and I would suggest in future you sub off with the person you are marking(let’s try that next time)? It was a great game, AK had extending arms and despite her absence was shooting basket after basket. Coach Jo was most marvellous and was quick to umpire and coach.

Subs to Louise by bacs and bibs to Shirley.

26th February 2020

Its Radio No Show Jo and D.J Sam is taking the mic! 2 teams The Tony Blackburns in Soul Gold Nancy, Natalie, Gill, Louise, Tulay, versus The Terry Wogan’s in Euro Purple, Shirley, Sally, Dania, Fie, Laurie. Sarita film producer watches from the side. Shirley radio Talk Talk Played the first 3 tracks dedicated to the Purples before Gill managed to spin the first gold disc. The Wogan’s were playing hit after hit, where as the golden Tony’s were more Miss Radio Ga Ga. Dania tuned into Smooth Radio followed by ‘Kiss’ my arse I am coming threw! The Purple spin the first game 7-1.
Sam makes a announcement and changes stations. Shirley and Sally go Gold, Nancy and Natalie Turntable purple. All tuned in and ready to play, Sally gives us some Classic FM moves and gets the easy listening baskets. Tulay played from the Heart with record breaking rebounds. Fie blocks the airways stopping all Gold discs from the hit parade. Natalie catches the Zoe Ball, gets one in the face and rolls her ankle all in one song. Laurie plays her number one hit! Nancy is in the Groove it, Groove it!  Travel news! Sam blows the whistle! The Gold Tony’s are ahead…but Soul hour is cut short. Final score 7 to 5Live to the purple Terry’s.
8pm Radio Times up!

19 February 2020

What a turnout! Tonights BadaBrit Awards! For arriving on time! Louise, Sarita, Dania, Nancy, Aza, Charlene, Fedi, Andreea, Shirley, Rie.

At 7.10 Host Josephine Whitehall arrives to a standing aviation!  2 girl Groups wearing blue and green. The 1st to score award goes to lead singer Fedi in Blue. 2nd to score award to Andreea looking dashing in Green. Nominees for the usual late comers are Sarita and Josephine but tonight they are surprisingly pipped to the post by the marvellous Trio Tulay, Laurie and Gill!

3 groups now compete 1.Best album in Blue, Charlene, Fedi, Aza, Gill, Rie, 2.Best Solo Players in Green Nancy, Shirley, Tulay, Dania 3. Best Female Artist in Pink, Sarita, Louise, Laurie, Andreea. Let the Show begin! Best Solo Player: Nominees : Sarita, Fedi and Nancy. The BadaBrit award goes to Fedi! Best Newcomer Nominees are Fie, Charlene and Aza, Award goes to Charlene.

Nominees Best Song 1.‘Easy peasy passes’ 2.’Who’s on Fedi’ 3. ‘to me to me to me’ ‘Winners hands up!’ Award goes to the Blue team for outstanding performance Followed by Green coming 2nd and last go Pinks.

The Last award of the evening …2020 Life achievement award goes to Birthday Dania! Happy birthday Dania …Speech! Speech ! ‘Thank you all for everything for playing with me, making my week…my cake, fiz and beautiful Card! ‘ ’See you all next week for more fun fun fun!


Sally warmed up the crowd. Compare Louise took the whistle ‘ Welcome to the Feddi Show!’ Feddi and her 2 guest stars Sally and Laurie in Red versus the Commercial breaks in Blue. Lisa, Shirley, Nancy and Tulay.

It’s show time! Red Fedi Scored twice before the show went to a commercial break! Shirley drove to the basket in a new Audi with her Vorsprung lurch technic. The show must go on and on, 6-3 to Feddi. 19.27 Sarita joins the game tying her Trainers! ‘Just do it! ‘Joining the Blues, Nancy turned Red. Match 1 red 7-3. New game. Guest star Sally scores! Whoop whoop! Fedi takes the mike, 3-0 to Red.

We go to a commercial break Lisa ‘BUPA’ private Healthcare. Nancy goes back to blue. With 3 to Shirley another from Sally. Its Laurie’s magic Show! WOW what a basket. Feddi Scores a 3 pointer! the score now 4-4! Nancy has a fast break 5-4 it’s tense! She’s had her weetabix! Red loose the rebound. Tulay makes it 6-5 blue Lidle on price.

The Feddi show is signed for another series 6-6! Tulay mobile makes it 7 ‘every little helps’ blue win the match! A Quick sip of Evian ‘Live young!’. Game 3. Cliche Shirley ‘Who’s on Feddi!’ ‘Easy passes’ ‘Who wants it’ said Sarita, ‘There is a glass and half in everyone’. Shirley gets a high pass. ‘Where there’s blame there is a claim’. The credits roll, It’s 8pm “that’s all folks” See you next week, same time, Same place.

5 February 2020

It was hot in the City, Josephine the Executive Car arrived on the dot of 7. She took us cabs round the block a few times in dribbling and layups. 2 teams The Ubers babes with red upholstery Fedi, Andreea, Gill, Sally verses The Lady London Cabbies in Blue, Louise Nancy, Sarita, Dania. Louise and Andreea revved their motors to start, Andreea won the Jump, destination drop the fare off at the basket. The court was congested, the meter ran high before Uber Fedi got the first drop off. Gill drove in knowing the short cut! Sally beeped her horn scoring as she made it to the destination. Louise scored first for the lady Londoners, but it was too late Game 1. 7-1 to the Uber Reds. Game 2. We changed sides. The Reds picked up a fare immediately driving left right and centre. Louise’s electric battery ran low, luckily Nancy got a charge and a big tip! Dania was running up town when she got pranged on her front bumper. Hoot hoot! Andreea knew some new routes and with Fedi running over the speed limit, Red Won Game 2. 7-4. Game 3. The blue were now in the congestion Zone. Sarita took a one way street direct to the drop off. Nancy was there to greet her..beep beep! Nancy achieved her knowledge and was pronounced Driver of the week! Game 3 to the London Blues. 1st to 3 was game 4. At 8pm the shifts were over, we all went home exhausted. Happy Birthday Rhondy Roundabout may all your journeys be sweet. beep beep!

29th January 2020

This evening ingredients for Marmalade were The Oranges, Louise, Tulay, Rie, Charleen versus The Sugar Preserves in Green, Dania, Laurie, Gill, Sally.

Sweet Sally started the cane rolling with 2 fast breaks directly into the  Sugar bowl, ‘Dunk it ‘ shouted Dania. Louise marderin’ed 2 segments making it 2 -5 to the sugar spoons 7.24pm ready made Sarita Marmalade arrived side’ing on both teams. She satsumas’ed first with Orange taking them into the lead winning the game. 7-2 At Boiling point guard she sweet coated to the Green-side. She was so fast no one could caster-sugar. Game 2. Laurie took 2 lumps in her tea cup. Gill had a sweeter tooth with her sugar cubes! Tulay pipped the sweeteners to the post as she Pectin’ed. Charlene orange peeled a wicked 3 pointer!

A Spoon full of Sugar helps the medicine ball go down as Dania hit the floor!  Game2 Score 1-7 to Green. Game 3 and 4. Sarita and Rie squeezed every last bit of orange taking the pith with a thick cut! making a seville orange partnership! 8pm! The jars were sealed. Sugar Bomboms birthday wishes to Sian!

22nd January 2020

Two Crazy cats entered the Den at 8.27 to find 2 teams…that’s Cool for Kats!
The Persian Blues, Sally, Lisa, Fedi, Nancy, Andreea Versus The Purple Bengal’s Dania, Rie, Laurie, Gill, Tulay.
Feline Feddi was like a kitten possessed, paw’ing the ball wherever it landed, springing into action, shooting, pulling, no one stood a chance until Officer Jo Dibble blew her whistle and called Subs! Lifting her tail high Sarita joined the Bengal’s and the cat-fight for the ball began. ‘Pass the ball’ Called Officer Dibble as Feline Itchy the Scratchy didn’t pass!  A team forfeit of sit-ups or lunges from each tabby. Fedi was back on her hot in roof. Andreea Lloyd Webber took the ball to the ally…. purring as she scored. Love cat Tulay prowled round the net blocking and catching rebounds. Lisa Sylvester used her hight to catch the ball and use the back board! MEOW! Sally had 9 lives, facilitating her team mates to pass and score. Fie like Mr Jinxs slipped them in from under the net. Nancy got the cream and the ball! Laurie smiled like the Cheshire cat with her 1 score of the night. Dania coughed up 2 fur balls from the free throw line. Gill crazed with cat-nip leaped from the bushes to the net. Despite the lucky Bengal’s go cats, the Persian blue’s were the cats whiskers and winners of the night.  8pm Time for a cat nap! A top night from 12 Top cats!

15th January 2020

The Canadian Winter sports started immediately with layups, warm ups and most importantly the Royal Basketball Protocol of fouling, Charging, Can’adian’s and cant’s. Josephine made the Badabrexit of 2 teams, 7.19 pm Sarita and Andreea Flew in on business class.

In Green, Frogmore Cottage, Louise, Sally, Sarita, Gill, Andreea versus In Red The Maple leaf of Vancouver, Dania, Nancy, Lisa, Feddi, Tulay.

Red Lisa won the jump, Green Gill was 1st to score, followed by Andreea and Louise, score 3-0. 1st on the leader board for Red was Lisa, this started a landslide for the red mounties. Dania with her sweet maple syrup touch and Nancy making a break for Quebecxit. French Canadian Fadi travelled before scoring, Sally and Sarita Windsor’ed up the court passing, shooting like wild-boar at Sandringham carrying the Mountbatten for the Green team.

Game 2, Red scored first leaving Sally paying the high price for Royal secruity. Fouled Dania took from the free throw, while Sarita toronto’ed 1 in after a run in with Lisa, no arm done. Game 3. We saw a Red Lettuce sandwich and a stuffed moose, also we witnessed a marvellous steal from Brian Adreea Prince of thieves. 8pm Megxit got to live with the common people leaving the rest of us tortured by Celine Dion

8th January 2020

9 x Christmas puddings entered the Hall. Immediate Shooting and lay-up drills. 7.12 pm Coach Josephine took the floor organising weaves and choosing both teams. 7.17pm Sarita made it 10!

The Jam Roly Poly’s in Purple, Sarita, Gill, Laurie, Dania, Andreea versus the Blueberry Mince Pies, Louise, Lisa, Feddi, Tulay and Nancy. Feddi was first to find the lucky 6d, followed by Sarita holding the horse shoe. The scores were neck and neck. Gill thrilled, Tulay was Fly! Lisa lit up the Christmas pud and left Jo hanging on a high 5! Game 1 The Blues.

Game 2 brought in the new decade 2020, Sarita’s Roarers in Purple v Feddi’s Flappers in Blue. Dania Screened and Screamed for her teammates, Laurie used her Jazz hands. Nancy was fastest to the net. Sarita toasted in the new year with a jammed finger. Andreea took the free throw…3rd time lucky.. was her NY resolution. Josephine joined the game! Still the Blue Party Animals won.

Game 3 The hangovers kicked in with the knackered January Blues. Dry January Lou couldn’t see the basket for the The Purple ‘The Lean Mean Basketmaking Machines’ ! At last a win for the Purple vegan rolls!. What a Fabulous start to the year! See you all next week for a slimmer fitter trimmer game of wonderful basketball.

Apologies from the 2 ghost of Christmas passed Sally and Shirley



18th December 2019

Eleven OAP’s dithered into the home at 7pm. Nurse Josephine organised 2 teams after shooting and warm up drills. The Red Capsules, Feddi, Sally, Louise, Lisa, Laurie and the Green Suppositories, Di, Gill, Tulay, Rhonda & Andreea. 

Lisa was the first to pop and swallow a pill for the Greens, followed by laying one up was Red Fed. The Red teams blood was pumping as they took the lead.  
7.27pm Sarita sauntered in making it 12 players. Nurse Jo moved the teams around moving Louise to Red and Sarita to Green…Louise’s sedatives kicked in…not knowing who she was marking or which way she was running. Fed supplied Sound advice ‘follow your man’ and ’to pass easy’
Rhonda got something in her eye and went off to the Red Cross. 
The reds won the first 2 games and maybe the 3rd, I don’t know, I can’t remember! it all was a blur. 8pm Coach Jo rounded up the old timers as they made their way to ‘Shangri la’ Shirley’s retirement home for their Christmas party!.. where they met bad back Nancy. They were feed, watered and given certificates for their past quests. Louise loved her Westward Cardigan from the old gals and her basketball cup from Coach Jo.
It was lovely to see Nurse Marta who turned up to help with the infirm.
See you all in the new year 2020!
Q…Who am I?

11th December 2019

The Polling Station opened at 7pm. Councillor Jo waved a red flag getting us into lines, weaves, and voting practice.
This ‘Is your time to make a Change’ Vote carefully Jo advised. The Parties. Conservatives in Blue, Louise, Sally Fie, Shirley, Nancy versus Labour in Red, Feddi, Laurie, Gill, Tulay, Lisa.

Jo lowered the flag. May the best party win! Laurie caught the ball from the jump and drove it forward, the votes changed, it was Blue, it was Red. At last Red Fed scored. Then Lisa using the back ballot box turned the scores to 3-0.

At 7.27pm Sarita changed the balance. The Lib Dem subbed then joined the Conservatives.

YAY The Blue found their BO JO! Lou Tore-up the court and made it 3-1. Sally took 3 more seats, the Blues over took the red party… SUB!

‘Blues on Gill’ Shouted Shirley! As Gill Cor-Binned one in. The Polls were neck and neck, Gill and Louise Held the ball. The results Jo Swing-son-ing from Blue to Red. 7.57pm Both parties were distracted. Louise Foraged a load of abuse and was reprimanded by councillor Jo. 8.00pm Time to stop Brexit!  Article 50 was revoked! C U All next Wednesday, Drinks and Bing surprise fun after play.

4th December 2019

All gathered in London this week for the Nato Summit. First passing drills followed by 3 Teams all on the attack, the Trump’s, Boris’s and Macron’s. Picked by tallest to shortest, The Orange Trumpetts 5. Louise, Lisa, Feddi, Laurie and Fie versus The 4 Purple Royals. Tulay, Andreea, Nancy and Gill. Lisa won the jump Fie was the first to score. Stars and Strikes! The Ball was flying back and forth though the score board hardly moved till Greta Fediberg surfed the wave for climate change taking the Trumpetts in the lead. Gill retaliated with a Royal wave, ‘One’ in Purple had at last scored. Tulay gave a Royal bow. “One had scored another” Nancy found her voice calling to Princess Anne-dreea for the ball.
Trumps entourage were wind powered for energy efficiency. Louise stepped down, leaving 4 aside. Greta Fediberg swopped sides with Princess Anne-dreea. Negotiations continued with nether side winning. Exhausted both teams threw their balls at the net with no conclusion just distracted by a on looker sitting on the side warming up waiting for the boys to arrive.
8pm came Prince Andrew was relived of his duties and Trump had to return to his residence.
See you all next week for more trafficking and basketball!

27th November 2019

7pm Coach Ian Jo Jury had got us running, shooting and weaving. New Boots and Panties was the theme.

2 teams. The 4 Bossy Boots in Red, Feddi, Shirley, Lisa, Andreea versus the The 5 Droopy Draws in Blue Louise, Laurie, Tulay, Gill, Sarita. Tulay won the jump and knicker elastic’ed the ball to Laurie, who harpooned it into the basket. Tulay’s high legs made a wedgie basket.

Lisa with party shoes, tippy toeing her team onto the leader board. Coach Jo Jury Hit us with her rhythm stick! ‘Listen up! Make Space, Blockheads and Cut!‘ Feddi with her running shoes, got the reds on track Billerricay Dickie the reds had found their feet.

7.25 Sarita joined the Droopy Draws, pulled up her pants and Clever Trevour Reasons to be cheerful game 3. Gill ding dong used her thong! While Andreea got her shots thigh high.

Sarita saved the team with a ball in her face and was sent to Knickerblockerglory! Leading her dirties into the laundry basket. Shirley scored with a split crutched bad knee. Reds played Sole to Sole, while the droopy’s got their knickers in a twist.

Rebook and Nike! Cobblers! it was 8pm!  See you all next week for more Sex drugs and rock and roll

20th November 2019

We were down in the sand dunes without a coach. The desert seemed bleak. After quick drills. 2 teams. The Golden Scorpions, Louise Sally, Laurie, and Gill versus The sacred Scarabs in green, Nancy, Tulay, Shirley and Fie.

Sally started with the ball. Gilly was first to score. The Golden girls were on fire. Game 1 to the Scorpions, it’s not Pharaoh said Shirley, Sarita Tutankhamun appeared & joined the Greens. The treasure changed sides. Water was scarce, Sally saw a mirage. Quick water break. Laurie played Mummy to Mummy ruining Shirley’s game. Game 2 to the Scarabs. Tut Tut Sarita swopped sides. Game 3 a sting from the Scorpions tale.

Tonights Shooting star was Louise for beating her personal best. The Desert Storm award to Fierce Fie welcome to the team.

6th November 2019

Coach Tina Turner’d up early to the Thunderdome. Shooting drills to start, followed by a 3 on 3 degrees defence game.

The 2 teams were. The 5 Proud Mary’s in Red, Lisa, Sarita, Andreea, Gill and Louise  verses the 4 Acid Queens in Blue, Fed, Nancy, Sally, Laurie.

Lisa and Sally jostled at the Jump. The first 2 baskets to red. Then de Do run run de Do Run Run went the Blues. The Proud Mary’s kept on rolling but the Acid Queens kept on Scoring. Easy Easy listening said Fedi, STFU whistled Tina as she lost her Nut bush! ‘We don’t need another hero! Use your golden eye, Separate & make space’.

Sally ‘mountain high’ knocked Louise off the no.1 spot, with her ankle ‘river deep strain’. Full of 2nd hand emotion Louise sat out.  Red win.

Game 2. Louise returned. Fedi screeched to her backing singers ‘who’s running for money!’ Laurie Scored. Gill held back. Nancy Scored! Coach Tina blasted at Lisa ‘Hit the back board’ She did! What’s love got to do with it! Boom! it was 8pm.

Simply the best! said the winning reds 2 games to 0.

30th October 2019


Its 7pm and the planes are circling with last minute flight cancellations and unexpected passengers. The session started with an important announcement from Pilot Jo, for not making last weeks schedule.
At 7.05 the safety drills began. 7.21. 2 Teams. The Private Jets, Louise, Lisa, Dania, Tulay in Pink Versus the Flying Jumbo’s Sarita, Gill, Shirley and Laurie, in Black. Lisa won the jump landing the first 2-3 baskets. Shirley was next on the tarmac. Tulay looped to looped 3 in a row.
The pinks had control of the skies. Brace Brace! Sarita took command of the traffic control tower putting her Red (Black)Arrows in formation, taking over the whole Aerospace. Dania requested an emergency landing…Easy Jet! said Sarita as she stole the rebound. The score now 6-6. Black wins. The Runway was busy with flights backing up. Gilly started circling stalling Louise’s take off. Jo flew in from Cameroon helping the Pinks find their spacing. Dania ran along the wing to score. Laurie got 1 in.  Shirley Taxi’ed to the basket. Game 2 to blacks. Game 3 ended with a crash landing, Boeing 747 was the score…The Blacks king of the skies.

The control tower read 21.00hrs. With all fuel burnt out we left the airport. See you all next Wednesday!

23 October 2019

We need a Coach!  Call the Police Jo is missing!

Tonight’s red faces were, Sally, Dania, Di, Lisa, Laurie, Shirley against Nancy, Fedi, Andrea, Gilly, Rhonda. We tried to ref but we didn’t have a whistle, so it was really difficult. It was a great game with a spectacular shot by Laurie.

Apologies ladies I’m not gonna make it in good time sorry to hear the facilities were not ready, make sure you all enjoy the session I’ll make it up to you all next week!

Coach JO

16 October 2019

Crime scene 13.

2 Rival gangs see you in court. The Maida Black-Mailers in Blue, Gill, Lisa, Shirley Sarita, Di, Andreea, Nancy. Versus  the Vipers of Little Venice in Red. Louise, Dania, Tulay, Fadi, Sally,  Laurie.

After shooting drills and defence crimes the Game began. Superintendent Jo threw the ball. Lisa won the jump, Di intercepted result 1st murder. Within a minute Sally’s fast break murder 2. Fadi lead poled the way, easy passes, she was everywhere.

1 Blew off and Sarita was on. Shots were fired. Tulay took control of the ball. Dania ran in Red, Blue Nancy was killing it. Body count game 1 to the Red vipers . Di took a knife in the back and hit the floor. Shirley took 2 from the chalk line. Super Jo flashed the blue light! ‘travel’  We paid the penalty 24 seconds. Andreea played the ball low with a death wish. Laurie was fast but Gill was faster. Game 2 to Blue Blackmailers.

20.00 hrs Helicopters circled and the Sirens sounded. See you all next Wednesday for No crime or reason just funtastic play!